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Unless it's to throw us off the scent, we aren't entirely sure why the newswires were allowed to broadcast where Moor's Murderer and notorious malingerer, Ian Brady's ashes were cast.

Trigger Warning is proud to announce its first competition: the first person to retrieve Ian Brady's ashes from Liverpool Marina will receive the cash prize of FIVE POUNDS STERLING. Any method of rescue is approved, from reaching in with one sleeve rolled up; scuba diving; donning a full 1920's diving suit, to good old fashioned angling.

They aren't near here.

Conditions: ashes will be subject to strict analysis to ascertain their authenticity. These shall include, but aren't limited to:

  1. Licking little finger, dabbing into into ashes and having a little taste. We assume he is quite tangy.
  2. Assembling the ashes piece by piece so that it looks like him (more or less is acceptable)

On presentation of the FIVE POUNDS STERLING, the ashes shall be interred respectfully for future generations to gawp at.

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Daz is our editor here on TW. He used to be head owl strangler for ICI but he doesn’t like to talk about it.

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