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Do you ever follow your local police on Twitter? If not, you probably should. We do (because we're idle bastards) and we were looking at the Greater Manchester Police (city centre) feed and discovered this bustling, urban jungle is just little more than a high tension pressure cooker WAITING TO EXPLODE! Someday they'll make a film of this stuff. Probably with Steven Segal or someone.

Check this out.

We knew we'd be on a knife edge until we found out what was happening. How many copies were made? Did they settle the dispute? How did they get his shoes? Luckily another Tweet was forthcoming.

Granted, not very "Trigger Warning" is it? But old men wanking certainly is!

Wonder what he went to see? Must have been pretty sexy. Looking at the cinema listings we can only assume it was Dunkirk. That one certainly got our motors running, all those shiny German helmets everywhere!

Sometimes they can be even more intriguing!

Never mind the hillside strangler, Yorkshire Ripper, or Fred West, The Black Dodo Killer is on the prowl! We're not sure if he's never killed because he can't find any black dodos or if he kills people with a black dodo. We're pretty sure we'll hear more on this nefarious super villain before long though.

"Fuck your bill, fuck your hotel, and fuck you!"

What a rude fucker! Still, could have been worse. He could have shit in the lift.

"Hello? Yes, I DO have an emergency"

Discrimination is serious business.

And because public wanking is never less than fascinating...

Let's be clear, he was reported to be wanking in the WRONG place, then went to a place where you could - possibly - get the wanking taken care of for you but decided it was actually the best venue for giving oneself a happy ending? We don't wish to judge but he might be doing it wrong.

Finally - because this could go on all bloody day - we should end on a happy, high note with a heartwarming tale of retirement.

That's right, Tangle has retired and "gone home".

Let's be careful out there!

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