In an unprecedentedly bold move, actor, climber and shouter, Brian Blessed, has mounted a successful coup to succeed Peter Sutcliffe as Trigger Warning’s patron saint. Brian was attending the annual dinner, which closes the prestigious two day pig and poultry farmers event, at the Coombe Abbey Hotel in Coventry. Dressed appropriately, as a Tudor king, Blessed was asked what law he would sanction if he were indeed king.
Blessed’s response, to ban badger-culling, raised the hackles of some farmers present, with verbal protests that they should be allowed to continue their savage animal atrocities in the light of glaring evidence it does no good. Possibly using different words. It was here Blessed rose like Christ to heaven with the words:
“You’re all cunts, I hope you all die of TB”
A member of the 200-strong audience then goes on to declare Blessed “flounced out” which we greatly suspect the 81 year old certainly didn’t do, though he did add upon his exit that, “It had been a shit idea” to host the pig and poultry event in the first place.
Blessed’s agent, Stephen Gittins, played the incident with a straight bat: “It’s well known he is a protector of badgers. Brian and the likes of Brian May are very supportive of ending the culls.” Meanwhile, organisers of the event apologised for the incident and “any misunderstandings”.
Let us be clear – there are no misunderstandings. Brian Blessed is a man amongst men and if he tells 200 people in a room they’re cunts, we fully believe they’re cunts.