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The recent excitement of over Donald Trump’s sharing of Britain First imagery promoted a mild curiosity into what Britain First’s party policies actually consisted of. They couldn’t just revolve around nasty foreigners, could they? Could an entire manifesto just be line after line of prolapsing anger at THEM? Actually, no – it also factors in a bizarre fetish for the armed forces, Victorian education stylings and varying degrees of mutilation for criminals. Imagine, even in the UK, if these weren’t the most baffling of ideologies?

Hobson's Choice


Britain First

The reintroduction of competitive sports and Christian assemblies

The teaching of British history throughout all levels of education

Replace the present “multi faith” religious education curriculum with a new approach that focuses predominantly on Christianity.

Greater influence of the Armed Forces in the education system, including day trips, training events and careers advise (sic).

I’ve left the vast majority of policies as they are printed by the parties themselves – it seems a fairly good rule of thumb that the most absurd the policy, the more spelling mistakes and inventive the grammar. My assumption is that the writer is either wanking or screaming at the time – probably both.

Assemblies - Bring 'em Back!


The Christian Party

Media programmes demonstrate that some shoppers cannot calculate percentages; this contributes to exploitation and corruption in society and the Christian Party will ensure that basic numeracy is learned and not simply taught in schools.

Christian teaching includes doctrine, reproof, correction and instruction in good behaviour in order to create a balanced person ready for all good works 2Timothy 3:16-17. The aim of primary and secondary education should include correction, both didactically and by other means, especially as children need correction in manners as well as in their thinking.

The Christian Party rejects the current coalition Government’s plans to introduce sex education to children as young as five years old.  The government’s plans will sexualise children at an early age. Furthermore, given the coalition’s pro-homosexuality agenda, sex education for five-year-olds amount to state-sponsored sexual indoctrination.  The cross-dressing of primary school children is an abuse of the school environment and of the children themselves.  We resist the use of schools for the LBGT political agenda, such as promotional months, and government backing and financial support for their literature and campaigns. The Christian Party continues to call for the end of the promotion in schools of the LGBT agenda, which is now appearing in other subjects across the curriculum.

I’ve not included The Christian Party’s thoughts for some supremely smug irony but simply because they’re comfortably as preposterous as any from the further reaches of the Right.

The Justice For Men & Boys (And The Women Who Love Them) Party

The state education system has become ever more dominated by female teachers over many years. The state education system is run with the objective of advantaging girls over boys from their earliest years.

The CRE election manifesto should be implemented in full, and the option of all-boy schools with all-male teaching staffs introduced for those communities that want them.

Perhaps the most detailed of manifestos in terms of statistics backing up completely numbing proposals, it was difficult to edit out numbers and leave anything understandable intact. I may have failed.

The National Front

The National Front would act decisively to reverse the recent trend away from competitive school sports and would seek to expand the range of such activities so as to accommodate all tastes.

The far right are completely obsessed with competitive sports. They stop just short of demanding all-day showers.

A competitive sport.

The Imperial Party

All schools will have security guards and onsite cameras to stop bullying, no snowflakes allowed. All young men and women at sixteen years old to be taught how to use weapons of all descriptions by trained personnel.

The most alarming party policies I could find, though we’d love to see others nominated (email us at once or hit the forum). It really does say, “No snowflakes allowed”. Marvellous.


Britain First

The re-focus of our foreign affairs away from European integration and back to our former Commonwealth sister nations.

Withdraw from the United Nations which is being used by vested interests to undermine the western world.

Replace the obsolete NATO alliance with a new defence arrangement that comprises nations of the “West” with the aim of protecting our joint interests around the world

Rebuild and enlarge the Royal Navy back to previous levels;

Bring back National Service and make it compulsory for 1 year for all citizens upon the completion of education;

Bring back and secure the historic county regiment system;

Invest heavily in new technologies and weapon systems to give the UK the edge in defence industries;

Halt the sale of any military hardware to countries outside of the Commonwealth, North America and Europe.

Scrap the entire “foreign aid” budget;

Britain First’s thoughts on foreign policy are almost drenched in spittle and ejaculant. Nice use of inverted commas around West, suggesting that a darkies analysis will be necessary to determine if they’re west enough. Emphasis on the Commonwealth rather suggests they’ve forgotten that this is largely made up of African and Asian countries. All mental parties have a strong leaning towards making school-life as brutal and unpleasant as possible, with lashings of national service for good measure. All these policies are written by people too old to do national service, naturally.


National Front

The National Front subscribes to the form of nationalism which fosters mutual respect between nations without any nation seeking to interfere with or dominate another

Because of a partly shared cultural heritage and identity of race, the National Front would like to see more sporting and cultural contacts between these (White) nations. The National Front recognises that each of these nations has developed its own identity and contacts should be on an equal footing. The National Front believes that the multiracial Commonwealth is a farcical relic of an unfortunate past which should be disbanded. The National Front would in any case withdraw Britain from this organisation. Consequently the National Front cannot condone the idea of the British monarch being head of state of other foreign nations.

More competitive sports, but only against white folk. This would leave darts as the only sport Britain could participate in, until homoerotic gladiator sports can be organised down the local park.

The Christian Party

Scripture asks the rhetorical question, “Who serves as a soldier at his own expense?” 1 Corinthians 9:7.  To our shame in recent times British armed forces have been ill-equipped for conflict and some service personnel have equipped themselves for their safety. The Christian Party will care for our armed forces and their families and treat them with the honour and respect that they deserve. Falling pay scales in the Armed Forces will be addressed to make them properly comparable to their civilian counterparts. Support for ex-service personnel needs radical improvement. The Christian Party will fight for such improvement, just as our ex-service personnel have fought so bravely for us.

The Christian Party promotes godly courage in the face of slavish fear engendered by faithless political leadership.

Just as the abuse of the welfare culture has produced dependency, so there is ample evidence that foreign aid has created a dependency culture in many countries. In order to break this dependency, the Christian Party will not support financial or monetary aid to other countries, but aid will be in material goods, products, medicines and services produced in and provided by the UK.

Absolutely gagging for a war, just so they can organise loads of funerals and patronise war widows.

Vicars - white-collared war fountains.

The Imperial Party

Our Army, Navy and Airforce to be brought up to strength by building new ships, tanks and aircraft etc. ourselves. Our soldiers will be exempt from lawyers chasing them for supposed war crimes and will go into battle supplied with all the up to date equipment and back up to win any war. After we leave the EU all migrants and so called refugees will be deported if they have not been in this country for at least 20 years. No more refugees will be allowed into the country for any reason. We will stop the £18 billion of our money which is given away to despots around the world and spend the money here on the poor, helpless, ending drug addiction, drug pushers will be given the death penalty, no ifs or buts

Always good to see “etc” in a manifesto, really gives you confidence they’ve thought things through. “No ifs or buts”!


British National Party

Greater use of National Service for habitual offenders;

The restoration of Capital Punishment for paedophiles, terrorists and murderers;

Make prisons a place of hard labour rather than cosy holiday camps;

Introduce the use of “chain gangs” to provide labour for national public works;

Free the police from politically correct restrictions and unnecessary bureaucracy;

Implement new laws guaranteeing citizens the right to protect their own homes.

A major clamp down on Islamic grooming gangs which operate across the UK.

Introduce castration for convicted rapists and sexual offenders.

Reintroduce firearms for law enforcement and border agencies.

Any person found to be performing illegal abortions to be charged with the crime of murder.

A major clamp down on paedophilia in the UK, wherever it is found, including the implementation of a new national register that will be open to public inspection.

Having already expelled anyone with a difficult to spell name from the country, BNP are still committed to hunting down Islamic grooming gangs. Ideally, any remaining Muslims would be dressed up as foxes and chased into their burrows underground. Justice is largely stabby/hangy/shooty.

Justice at work

National Front

Despite assurances to the contrary, the National Front believes that in some inner city districts No-Go Areas do exist for the police. Far from withdrawing from such areas the National Front would insist on a high level of policing to combat crime and protect individuals. We would also seek to remove the shackles of political correctness that stop the police from performing their duties effectively – the police must be able to stop suspects based upon description without fear of stopping too many people from a particular racial group.

Where the law is broken the National Front believes that there must be a larger element of punishment within the sentencing system. In the case of perpetrators of some violent crimes we would introduce birching in addition to other sentences.

For crimes of extreme violence such as aggravated rape, murder and terrorist offences, the National Front would introduce the death penalty.

Saturday nights all sorted: Strictly Come Birching; Birch of the Day etc. Actually, I’d watch both those.

A birch. Hurts like a bastard.

Christian Party

The Christian Party will streamline criminal law so that the judicial system has the time and resources for dealing with real crime, with Christian wisdom and justice mingled with mercy

The victim mentality within the equality agenda is encouraging aggressive homosexuals and muslims (sic) to complain to the police that open air Gospel preaching offends them.  Rather than ‘living and let live’ these people want to use the criminal law to silence views that they do not like.  There is growing evidence that the prosecution service is being manipulated in this way. It is bad enough that the tabloid media should destroy the domestic lives of whomsoever it choses (sic) to pick on, without have the prosecution service joining the fray.

Political correctness creates hate and thought crime, which is interfering with our traditional freedoms. Unlike divine law, secular sin keeps moving the goalposts as new behaviours are included. Soon it will be criminal to speak against homosexual behaviour, and as the goalposts move, more and more thought, speech and behaviour will be criminalised with detrimental consequences to one’s employment, security, peace of mind and social cohesion.

Thank God there are no aggressive homosexual Muslims, Jesus would shit himself.

The Justice For Men & Boys (And The Women Who Love Them) Party

A major public information initiative should be developed to educate men and children about the issue of sexual abuse carried out by women. A public inquiry should be held to establish why women are so rarely held accountable for the sex offences they commit, with a view to holding them properly accountable in the future. A Home Affairs Committee inquiry should be held to investigate the blatant anti-male bias of the Crown Prosecution Service. The legal definition of rape in the Sexual Offences Act 2003 should be redefined to provide an equivalence between rape and being made to penetrate, which should attract the same sentences


Imperial Party

Judges to be replaced with computers and a life sentence means life, based on the American system.

Home computers to be replaced with judges.

"All rise"

Home Affairs and Immigration

Britain First

Deport all illegal immigrants;

Deport all foreign criminals;

Offer generous grants to those of foreign descent resident here who wish to leave permanently

Completely halt any further immigration except in special cases such as genuine marriages where strict citizenship criteria has been met;

Reject and deport all “asylum seekers” who do not originate from countries bordering Britain;

Make it an act of treason to implement any policy or measure, or sign any agreement, that facilitates and / or results in significant numbers of foreigners entering the sovereign territory of the United Kingdom with the aim of settling.

Abolish the hated “Human Rights Act” which is being widely abused and which was forced on the UK by the EU;

Implement an American style “Bill of Rights” guaranteeing freedom of speech, assembly and expression. No exceptions;

Introduce a comprehensive ban on the religion of “Islam” within the United Kingdom. This ban will include the prohibition of halal slaughter, sharia courts, religious publications (such as the Koran, Hadiths), the operation of mosques, madrasas and “cultural centres” and the public preaching and / or teaching of Islamic scriptures and doctrines.

Introduce a prohibition on the use of Islamic face coverings in public, such as the Burka.

Anyone found to be promoting the ideology of Islam will be subject to deportation or imprisonment

Introduce a total ban on the word “racism” in the media. The word “racism” has for too long been a weapon to undermine debate and to suppress discussion on important matters of nationhood, immigration and political correctness.

Greater promotion of organisations such as the Boy’s Brigade, Scouts, Brownies and Cubs to alleviate the scourge of anti-social behaviour on our streets.

Where to start? Some real confusion around their feelings toward Brownies and brownies.

Is nothing safe?

National Front

In the case of Britain the National Front upholds the wish of the majority of British people for Britain to remain a white country, with customs and a culture which have been developed to suit our character. Consequently the National Front would halt all non-white immigration into Britain and introduce a policy of phased and humane repatriation.

The National Front believes that the current rules about obscenity, violence and bad language are farcical. Television is a medium which brings itself into the family home. Its programmes should conform to the same standards of an invited guest when children are present.

The National Front recognises that Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom and will be for all time. A National Front government would integrate Ulster into the rest of the UK. Any attack on Ulster and its people would be seen as an attack on the people of Britain as a whole. IRA supporters would be removed from the UK and the border with the Irish Republic would be sealed – all persons living in Ulster will be required to swear an oath of allegiance to the UK or revert to the status of a foreign national. The Irish Republic will be treated as any other nation such as France or Holland

The Justice For Men & Boys (And The Women Who Love Them) Party

Male genital mutilation – MGM – is a human rights issue too, but boys are not accorded the same rights to protection as girls. It is right to be concerned about girl’s rights not to have their genitals mutilated, and it is right to be concerned about boys’ rights not to have their genitals mutilated. If genital mutilation is illegal for girls, why shouldn’t it be illegal for boys?

Of all the parties’ policies, this is the most the word ‘genitals’ is used.

Christian Party

Although we do not encourage illegal immigration, we acknowledge this fait accompli and the difficulties of immediate deportation, and thus we encourage illegal migrants to seek economic migrant status and thus to demonstrate good faith by integrating with the legal requirements for potential residency in the UK.  We believe that this will go some way towards solving this long term problem.

In order to stem the flow of bogus asylum seekers, and thus help to manage the current claims, the Christian Party supports full application of the 1951 Convention on Refugees, including the clause that refugees must accept asylum in the first safe country they reach.  In keeping with the 1951 Convention it is clear that applications for asylum should only be considered at a British port or airport where the applicant has arrived directly from the country from which asylum is being sought; or else at the British embassy or consulate in that country.  In the event that an asylum seeker arrives from a safe country, he or she cannot claim to be an asylum seeker and will be immediately returned to that safe country.

A weekly Sabbath day of rest would reduce carbon emissions and contribute to reducing atmospheric carbon dioxide, to say nothing of the beneficial effects upon domestic and community life.  The Christian Party shall promote this healthier lifestyle.  A re-ordering of values that prioritize a sustainable work/life balance is both desirable and necessary.  Such a re-balance will not only benefit the environment, but it will also benefit individuals.

“We recognise we can’t be racist 7 days a week, so will have a break on Sundays”

Imperial Party

Terroists (sic) to be given the death penalty.

No tanoy (sic) calling the muslims (sic) to prayer. The end of Muslim religious schools, the ending of Muslims having 4 wives in the UK, ban the Burka plus the removal of all Muslims from positions of power within government or councils.

The reintroduction of marrage as the family unit and the ending of same sex marriages which is part of the neoliberal agenda to bring our country down.

The end of journoterrorism, the war of fear used by the media, by government order, to make the people do as they are told, 1984 is finished, the BBC, the Biased Brainwashing Cabala to be shut down. Accountability to be brought back in every sphere of life, no more will bankers get away with crashing the system and will go to jail, a full inquiry into the banking system, which is based on debt, to find a new system based on precious metals or bitcoin and so end the bankers monopoly,

No more refugees will be allowed into the country for any reason

Even this is after I’ve sorted some of the spelling and grammar out. Good luck with that sapphire-based economy, guys!

The most banned people in Britain



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Daz is our editor here on TW. He used to be head owl strangler for ICI but he doesn’t like to talk about it.

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