Does the thought of another Hollywood remake of a film you call a classic make you mad? Does the creative vacuum filled with 're-imaginings' make your piss boil? If so, you should definitely read on.

THEY REMADE A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET? WTF...THE ORIGINAL WAS ART, IT WAS PASSION, IT WAS THE FILM EQUIVALENT OF THE MONA BLOODY LISA said nobody, ever except some overly emotional Internet dweller.
THEY REMADE A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET? WTF...THE ORIGINAL WAS ART, IT WAS PASSION, IT WAS THE FILM EQUIVALENT OF THE MONA BLOODY LISA said nobody, ever except some overly emotional Internet dweller.

Each year we're subjected to another deluge of remakes and each year the Internet is alive with 'critics' bemoaning the lack of originality and creativity among the major studios sniffing around for the next summer blockbuster. People are mad, they're mad and they aren't going to take it anymore! Well, actually they're just annoyed and, worst of all, annoyed for no good reason.

Quick newsflash for you dedicated film fans out there who quite literally throw every single toy out of the pram

when the word 'remake' is mentioned, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WATCH THEM. That's right, as amazing as it seems you aren't forced to watch any film let alone one you disapprove of. Even better you don't actually have to download it from some PirateBay proxy (because...you know...you're 'sticking it to the man', right?), you can just ignore it.

Not only that but I have it on perfectly good authority that at no point will the film police come to your house and confiscate any copies of the original film you might have on DVD, VHS, or sat on your hard drive with an .xvid extension. You get to treasure your 'classics' for all time completely unsullied by the creatively bankrupt Hollywood system cashing in your nostalgia trip.

The funny thing is so many remakes are either genuinely enjoyable films in their own right (Dawn of the Dead

An Internet 'critic' yesterday. Being all upset and annoyed at the prospect of Hollywood remaking some dreadful film most people didn't care about when it was released.
An Internet 'critic' yesterday. Being all upset and annoyed at the prospect of Hollywood remaking some dreadful film most people didn't care about when it was released.

2oo4) or actually more enjoyable than the original all around (Texas Chainsaw Massacre...sorry). If they stink, and many do, it doesn't matter. It's just another crap film we can all safely ignore. On the topic of ignoring it appears many of these 'warriors of true cinema' also ignore a metric ton of indie content each year too. It would appear originality is only really any good if it's a CGI soaked blockbuster. Of course there are exceptions such as watching a film about a young woman living in Paris around the turn of the last century against the backdrop of her first period which you probably watch and pretend to enjoy in order your peer group thinks you're really clever and stuff.

The misplaced term 'classic' is getting a touch overused too in this argument. I was recently watching, and greatly enjoying, the comment section of an article reporting on a remake of Manic Cop. One Internet film warrior left a truly wonderful comment:

Why can't they leave the classics ALONE?!?!?

Now, I would love to know how - by any measure - the original Maniac Cop could be considered a 'classic'. I was there back in the day and it was a moderately average slasher movie and it had Bruce Campbell in it, neither of which constitutes the ingredients of a classic in and of themselves. This lead me to more research and a rather depressing conclusion, while there are young bucks bemoaning the slew of remakes thrust upon them the majority of the most bitter complainants are actually 80's kids such as myself. Somehow living through that decade has erased their ability to recognise most of the films we call 'classics' from that era are actually shoddy at best and offensively awful at worst. Maniac Cop is NOT a classic, Zombie 3 is assuredly NOT a classic. They're just old films you still like because they represent a time in your life you were young and daft enough to enjoy them.

You get the impression these folks would organise a protest if someone suggested they remake The Beast Within. Which probably wouldn't be a bad idea, nobody watched it first time around after all. At least, nobody remembers it.

And on that note, let me give you 100 reasons why the remake of Day of the Dead was not only awful but also a tragedy on the scale of Spanish flu...

Share the joy

Hayden is the founder of Trigger Warning so it’s all his fault.

Leave a Reply

×
×

Cart