Have you found yourself concerned? Found yourself waking up in the wee small hours of the night? Have you been worrying yourself to death over the fact there's just nobody scary enough at the moment for us all to be terrified about? Don't worry, I understand exactly how you're feeling. Since we apparently shot Bin Laden in the face and the whole "red peril" thing with Russia didn't really pan out it was hard to find something - outside of the usual immigration horror stories - to really be concerned over. Luckily for us there are people who look after this sort of thing and, realising the lack of a good bogey man these days, they have come through as usual. Ladies and gentlemen, cower in terror at the mere thought of the dreaded ISIS!
That's right, not only are these fundamentalist lunatics currently rolling across Iraq bringing their own brand of horror to a people who surely deserve a bit of a rest by now but once they've gained control there they will be coming here...to our homes...they'll kill us in our beds! You see what's apparently happening is young muslim men from the UK are being radicalised and heading over to Iraq (and Syria, the Syria part is very important) to learn how to kill people. Those who don't end up as part of a gory photo collection on the Internet will then - we are told - return home and most likely murder us all to death. Are you scared yet? No? Hold on then.
ISIS might sound like an organisation from a Bond film but what they are is a group of jolly angry Sunni Muslims hell-bent on getting medieval on just about everyone's ass from what I can tell. What's interesting is that these are the same people previously described as "more moderate jihaddists" who the UK and the US decided were the good guys in the Syria conflict. Granted, nothing they did seemed any better than some of the atrocities carried out by the other side in the argument but we can surely gloss over that, after all being murdered by a soldier acting for a dictator is naturally far, far worse than being murdered by a moderate jihaddist who thinks your neck would look far nicer without a head on top of it.
So these moderate chaps we've been arming have now also turned their attentions to Iraq and they're making quite incredible gains over there. The Iraqi army is literally falling apart at the seems as these angry mentalists move in to town after town, city after city. What's more they're using weapons we've provided them with and even more incredibly we're now considering whether taking military action against them might be a good idea. Is it just me or is there something wrong with this picture? It's like some bad cop movie where the cop has a huge gun pointed at a criminal who is looking at a gun lying on the floor at his feet. This is normally where the good guy would say something along the lines of "Go on, pick it up. Pick it up...GIVE ME A REASON!".
As a special bonus add-on for our investment in ISIS our security services are now using this opportunity to recommend our rights are further destroyed in the interests of our safety. After all, what use is privacy or liberty if we're all being forced to wear orange jumpsuits and finding ourselves in the starring role for an Internet video where there's only one take? Surely we'd give up our freedoms and rights to protect us from the prospect of some young men coming home and deciding the UK is actually the great Satan, I mean it's only reasonable. Yes, we didn't allow massive overreach on the part of our spymasters and the like when the IRA were actually a real threat rather than a possible one but that's by the by. These people are different. Granted we don't know for sure anything will happen but that doesn't matter, it could!
Right now more politicians are sounding off about the dangers we face from ISIS. At this rate people will start thinking the Sunni murder squad will be rolling down the high street in Chipping Norton randomly handing out death sentences to anyone not wearing a beard, a veil, or both. Liam Fox urges terror, Tony Blair says it's got nothing to do with him, anything he's done, anything you think he's done, but we should probably consider bombing somebody, and pretty soon the Daily Mail will surely toe the line and give us 10 facts about ISIS we didn't know with number one being they're coming and they'll all be on benefits.
It's all fun and games and of course there is a very real possibility someone might come back from Iraq or Syria better trained and equipped to do some harm but how is that any different to the ongoing threat of terrorism we seem to be facing anyway? If we're that bothered why take liberties away from citizens when we could just refuse to let them back into the bloody country? I swear, you'd think this was all manufactured wouldn't you?