Donald “I’m not a doctor, but…” Trump has stepped up where others cower this week. During a briefing he decided to exercise his colossal, some might say the greatest, IQ buy doing a spot of blue sky thinking about Covid 19. Yes, he had medical experts on hand and despite the look of disbelief on their faces Trump would leave no stone unturned in his desire to show the planet how the biggest brain tackles issues. Head on, that’s how we do it, head on.
Recent research into Covid 19 indicates the virus quickly degrades in sunlight (so many outlets say “dies” but like any fan of horror movies knows you can’t kill what isn’t alive. Right?), this nugget of information must have careened across Donald’s field of view because this was the first port of investigation.
“So, supposing we hit the body with a tremendous – whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light, and I think you said that hasn’t been checked but you’re going to test it.”
This was addressed to Dr Deborah Birx, the White House coronavirus response co-ordinator. Like a tongue probing a dental cavity Donald had to think this one through a little more, be a little more scientific.
“And then I said, supposing you brought the light inside of the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way. And I think you said you’re going to test that too. Sounds interesting”
We can’t disagree, it does sound interesting. Many things sound interesting. The odd part is we kind of want someone to invent some kind of internal lighting system that actually does kill a virus just so we could watch Twitter eating itself while trying to prove Trump never suggested it. Of course, suggesting doctors light up your life wasn’t enough. Donald had also heard that disinfectant kills the virus quite effectively. A HA!
“And then I see the disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning?”
Okay, we know that when Trump suggested hydroxychloroquine as a treatment (repeating a lot of the thinking of the time it has to be said) people went out and discovered the side effect of the anti-malaria drug themselves. There was even a fatality because some folks decided hydroxychloroquine on its own might not be enough so they spiced it up a little with some fish tank cleaner. In fairness, they sure beat Covid 19. We’re hoping here at TW that folks don’t start eyeing up the contents of their sink cupboard wondering if it’ll lead to the end of the lockdown. Of course, in a very real sense it will for them.
Luckily for us there was a disclaimer from Donald, he’s not daft.
“Pointing to his head, Mr Trump went on: “I’m not a doctor. But I’m, like, a person that has a good you-know-what.”
No, we don’t “know what”. Hair? Tan? Oddly white eyelids? The thing is, if doctors suddenly come up with a treatment that involves bombarding your body with ultra violet light whilst injecting you with some kind of disinfectant we’ll gladly present Donald with a full and frank apology. Until that time could we be so bold as to suggest that if you are the sort of person who listens to Trump and acts without thinking you at least delay your experiment of shoving a light bulb up your arse before drinking disinfectant just a little longer. Let’s give the scientists a chance first.