Trigger Warning’s “Nastivity” Plans Leaked

We’re unclear what the difference is between a pantomime and the nativity, so have gone with our gut feeling as to what we assume happens.

Cast is subject to change, especially if there’s a death.

Joseph O’Nazareth – Gerry Adams stars as cuckolded husband of Mary. Lines spoken from stage left by Joe Pasquale

Mary the Slattern – Legs akimbo Gloria Hunniford returns as God-impregnated floozy.

Jesus O’ Nazareth – Harv Price makes his debut as the King of the Jews. You simply don’t know what he’s going to say next!

Les Bollah – Fundmentalist Roister Doister, Les, (BBC News’ Huw Edwards) sets wacky traps throughout but despite his pranks, he has a heart of gold.

King Herod, Mass Murderer – A tour de force from wheelchair celebrity, Ade Adepitan

Buttons – It’s a laugh a minute (approx) from comedy titan, Phil Cool

The Dame – “He’s behind you! He’s behind you!” We are proud to welcome back Peter Sutcliffe as the hammer-happy truck-driving staple

The Fairy Princess – Behold the unconventional beauty of Huang Chuncai. Something for the LGBTQ dads/mums/undecideds in the audience!

May contain nudity, mild swearing and hammers.

 

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